Gratitude
I am isolating solo. My housemates are isolating with their boyfriends and I have the house to myself. Yes, I have shelter and enough food and my basic needs are being met but loneliness and sadness are still a natural consequence of my situation. Yes, I can remind myself that others are worse off and yes I am lucky but it provides litle relief, it comforts me for a few moments but that’s all.
I use the app Presently it has been a useful app for me even in pre pandemic times . It helps maintain my awareness of the bigger picture and gets me out of my head. But the other day I found it hard to summon up one thing to be grateful for, it was a down day and on the down days food takes on more importance. My heart was set on a comforting meal of sausage and mash but I was lacking one vital ingredient: sausages. I went foraging in the freezer, found some old, icey veggie sausages and felt like I’d won a Zoom quiz.
Despite not being able to record any big declarations about who I’d met or what I’d done, being grateful for something, no matter how mundane, is better than being grateful for nothing at all.
In these times, it matters less about what you’re doing but more about how you’re doing it. We can’t rush around doing eight things at once. We can’t go to the pub and moan about how we feel. We can’t go to town and lose ourselves in the crowd. So, I sigh, close my eyes and recall the old classic: ‘….grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference’.
Knowing that you are enough and the veggie sausages are enough will have to do. There is no poignant lesson to be learnt. No philosophical insight, just the comforting taste of sausage and mash.
E ROY WILLIAMS 